still here

The black marks on my stomach weirdly spread all over the place and give me an odd yellow tint.

I am going back to sleep.

I am crying water and blood

my nerves are completely destroyed
i have a massive headache, fearing my brain will be exposed at any second
my body aches with pain, i am bruised black and blue
i can't breathe
i can't think

i can't sleep or be awake

the one person who promised to be there for me always and always just said this:
         I don't know what to say. you never do what I tell you anyways.


oh thank god you told me that. now of course i am gonna keep calm when you tell me to and not let people bother me. An epiphany!! An fucking epiphany!!

I know it's hard to deal with me. I fucking know it and it hurts me.
But I rarely contact anyone when I freak the fuck out, when I am at my lowest, when I think I just can't live past this very second.

I am so fucking tempted to go gather all the meds I have left and take them all at once.
Anything to make this stop!!