My Biggest Bully

The world is cruel

People have been real mean to me

Horrible I might say

Still in the end

I am my biggest bully

I struggle to come to terms with it

It is true though

Everything people told me, the way they treated me

I learned from it 

In a very, very bad way

I became them

I told myself I could not do it because I am different

I told myself I that I am not depressed but rather a lazy piece of shit

I told myself that I am as worthless as they say

Every time depression tightened it's grasp and I had no one to turn to but myself

A part of me turned into this bully telling me

To suck it up because I am a weak whiny bitch and I got nothing cry over since it's all my fault anyway

I am already struggling with depression

Why is there this part of me bringing me down even more?

At night when I wake up and feel the fear and panic creeping up on me

I catch myself doing it again

Telling myself : Shhhh shut up. Not now. I don't wanna hear about it. Man up now you little sissy!

It's like putting an accelerant on my already raging flames of hell

I need to be good to myself

I am the only constant in my life

I am the only one who will always be there

I cannot treat myself so poorly

or it will get worse

And I have already been there

So I try to remind myself

that I am worthy

I am a good person

I am likable

and I deserve to be treated well