Tuesday, March 24, 2015

I write so I don't cry

I should not have to quick to say that I am all good.
I am not.

It came crawling back in the past days.
Didn't wanna see people but I was ok.
Then I felt lonely.
Then this weird harrassmet shit on the autobahn happened yesterday.
I have been so, so upset about it. 

Today I broke down. 
I really try to keep it together but I just can't. 
Actually now I can breathe a little better.

It's just all to much for me. 

Why can't I do it' Why can't I function normally.

I would just love to be able to get out of bed and get my stuff done.

Instead I break down everytime it's really important that I am able to handle a normal schedule.


It breaks me even more.

Now that I am sitting here crying, trying to calm myself down, I already have the next thing on my mind. Gotta juggle being a mess, doing my assignment that's due on thursday, go to work and finish my thesis. How will I ever be able to finish anything when I am always such a mess.

I hate myself right now and I know I shouln't cuz it makes it worse. I should treat myself right. Love myself, because I am the only constant in my life. How can I love myself when I fail at the easiest tasks?

I will try to do the assignment for my class now. 

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